Memoirs of a Broke Girl

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A Couple of Things in Movies That Annoy Me

1. When a character complains about a family member taking too long in the bathroom in the morning. In movies the majority of the time a family of four (or more) will be living in a typical large(ish) detached suburban family home. THERE IS NO WAY THERE IS JUST ONE BATHROOM. I really don’t get how it is so difficult to just use another bathroom and if said family member regularly spends a long time in the bathroom why can’t they just move all of their things to another bathroom to save having to wait around every morning. Stupid.

2. I know this annoys a lot of people. In horror movies when a character hears a creepy noise and they immediately go check it out. Personally, if I was home alone and I heard an unexplained noise I would be getting the fuck out of dodge not offering myself up as bait by going to investigate.

Not a very long article but I really needed to vent my issues….

A xx

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Oh shit!

Hello readers.

I haven’t written in a while, mainly because I’ve been procrastinating doing just about anything over the past month or so. I’m nearing the end of my 3rd year of university and I’ve realised I actually have a fuck load to do. My dissertation is due at the end of April and I’ve barely done enough research to get me through chapter 1. I suppose there are two types of people at university 1) those that want to do well 2) those that hope to god that they do well. I am the latter. I’m not actually dimwitted at all, I just don’t put any effort in, but I tend to get good-ish grades. 

I don’t love my degree. It’s okay, and interesting at times, I sort of just do enough to get by so that in July I’ve got a Bachelors degree with my name on it. Don’t get me wrong, I picked my degree scheme for a reason, the interest is there, but it’s not what I expected. I can’t wait to move away and get a proper job earning my own money.

So - the whole point of this. I’ve just had this voice go off in my head upon realising that I actually need to not be a lazy fuck this semester. Oh shit indeed.

A xx

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Annoying shit guys do that girls hate.

1. Channel flick - Why is it so hard for you to just watch ONE FRICKIN’ CHANNEL?! We don’t get how you can start watching one show, get bored and starting watching another one. It’s like “suuuure I wasn’t watching that anyway!” 

2. Peeing on the toilet seat - Seriously, I know we complain that you leave the toilet seat up but it is far worse when you don’t bother putting it up at all and end up getting piss all over the fricking seat so that when we sit down we get piss all over our asses. 

3. Giving us noogies - We are not your male friends. It hurts when you do it and it fucks up our hair.

4. High-fiving after sex - No. Girls like romanticism. If you do that you will get the silent treatment for the rest of the night because you’ve basically just ruined everything. 

5. Getting water all over the bathroom floor after you shower - The bath mat is there FOR A REASON. It seriously looks like you stepped out of the shower and purposefully missed the bath mat. Are you trying to get one of us killed?!

6. Turning arguments round on us - This annoys the shit out of me! If we start an argument you CANNOT back into a corner and try to blame us for whatever it is that we were mad at you for in the first place. You’ll just piss us off more and it’ll make you look like an idiot. Be a man and admit that you’re wrong. YOU WILL NOT WIN.

7. Leaving your dirty underwear on the floor - Are you so blind that you can’t notice that laundry basket?! Or do you need an explanation for what it’s for? 

Filed under guys girls annoying jokes

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Dumb questions guys ask girls (girls will understand)

1. “Can we do anal?”. We do not want that fucking shit, don’t ask me again.

2. “Why are you taking so long to get ready?” If I didn’t take so long I’d look like shit so stop complaining!

3. “Why do you wear so much make up?” Cause I’d look fucking shit otherwise.

4. “Do you wanna do doggy style?” Do I look like a fucking canine to you?

5. “Why are you on another diet?” Cause I’m fucking fat okay!

6. “Why don’t you have more lingerie?” Do you wanna fucking pay for it?!

7. “Do you wanna bone in the bathroom?” No I’m not a dirty whore!

8. “Why are you on your period if you’re on the pill?” Reading a fucking book for once!

9. “How long shall I microwave this for?” UH I DUNNO READ THE FUCKING BOX.

10. “When are you gonna be done with your period?” I’ve had it for one fucking day!

A xx

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What to do in an exam if you’re fucked…

1. Vom on the paper. You’ll fail, but your distain for it will show.

2. Rip up the paper into tiny bits and throw them at the backs of peoples heads then say “stop doing that” whilst staring into your bag.

3. Shout “HE’S GOT A BOMB!” at the person behind you then proceed to crawl under your desk.

4. Answer every question with “I like boobies” if it is an essay based exam write your essay on arguments for and against the advantages of being a unicorn breeder.

5. Every 5 minutes make “meow” noises and look at the person next to you with a puzzled look on your face.

6. Shout “I JUST CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE” then run out crying. 5 seconds later come back in skipping with a smile on your face saying “We are all better now”.

7. Every so often stare at the person behind you with a rapey grin on your face.

8. Start doing the exam on the floor. When asked to move back to your seat pretend you don’t speak English.

9. Every five minutes look at the people around you with a look of disgust on your face as if they have farted. 

10. If there are spare desks, change seats at regular intervals justifying yourself by saying “Gunther wanted his seat back” then smile at the empty seat and move on.

A xx 

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Why university is easier than school:

1.
School: Class is compulsory
University: Lectures are “compulsory” but really they’re not

2.
School: Homework is set daily
University: Assignments come along every month or so

3.
School: All your teachers know you so it’s impossible to get away with anything
University: Lecturers haven’t a clue who you are so there’s no point attending

4.
School: Classes start at 9am 5 days a week (6 days a week counting Saturday school)
University: You have class maybe 3 days of the week rarely starting before 11 

5.
School: Getting an A was considered a great achievement
University: They give out 2:1’s like water at a Help Haiti mission 

6. 
School: If you do something wrong you are punished immediately
University: If you do something wrong you might get an email about it

7.
School: Registration occurs at 8:30 every morning to check everyone is in
University: Lecturers understand that most of us don’t function before noon

8.
School: Exam invigilators are everywhere making it impossible to cheat
University: There may be one invigilator to 100 and they don’t move from their seat

9.
School: The “I had a chest infection” excuse is always checked out at the medical centre
University: This is a valid excuse to any lecturer ever. They are not naive, they just can’t be arsed to deal with your shit. Also - freshers flu is a real thing 

10.
School: You cannot bring beer into class to help you get through it
University: You can 

A xx

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